If you met me at an event or even for a cup of coffee (and I hope we get the chance one day!), you’d probably think, “She’s chill.” My demeanor reads as calm, cool, collected…in control. And I guess for the most part I feel that way on the inside too. BUT when I’ve started something new, something in which I have no direct experience, my vulnerability-o-meter registers in the red zone.
Let me correct that, it’s not the starting but the “I’m in the middle of this and now there’s no turning back and why did I even start this” feeling that pushes me into an emotional danger zone.
Outside: unruffled, serene.
So here I am in the thick of actualizing my “grand” ideas for Geek Club Books and I’m on an emotional Snow White running through the forest free-for-all. I just want to be
It’s so strange. I don’t like doing the same thing over and over again. I enjoy exploring new territory. At first, it’s the discovery of a new industry, meeting experts in field, and finding new partnerships and friendships. It’s a thrilling process and I must say entering into the world of children’s literature, I’m finding a very supportive and welcoming community especially with indie authors and publishers. And connecting with the incredible special needs online community has been so rewarding for me personally.
But new territory means you’re the novice and I am tired of being the new guy all the time. I want to be the expert…the problem solver…the teacher. Instead, I just feel
I mean who is ever going to want to listen to me and why did I EVER think that I could do this? When this question pops into my head, and I have a chance to discuss it with myself (yes, I do talk to myself), I realize that I’m just
Well, really, just scared and afraid of failure. Frankly, I think that’s at the root of it. I’ve worked for clients for years and have helped them build their companies and brands successfully. But this is MY family; they are EVERYTHING to me and I don’t want to let them down. So my fears turn me
I feel sensitive, susceptible, and vulnerable. And these insecure moments make me
I frustrate myself because it’s up to me to reach out and say, “Hey, we’re here! Nice to meet you!” No one is going to come knocking down my door so it’s up to me to get out there both virtually and in person. I tell myself, (here I am talking to myself again), “Don’t give up! Hang in there! Day by day, little by little, you are meeting and making great friends and relationships. So stay the course, girlfriend.” So much interacting and I’m
Not just sleepy. I’m exhausted! It’s similar to the days when the kids were little and it was all I could do to take a shower. But going through that as a mom was worth it and so is this! My emotions whirl around until I take a stand and declare that I am
Instead of succumbing to the emotions that dwarf my happiness, I am choosing to be blissful, patient, appreciative, and grateful. So take that you inner negativity!
Having been through these mental states so many times before—either as a parent or entrepreneur—I’m still all in! Nothing will deter me from giving this my best effort—even my inner turmoil—so it’s a “whistle while I work” attitude from here on out. Heigh ho!