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By Julie Brusio
I always knew there was something different about Debbie. She began Special Education services through our county’s Infants and Toddlers program when she was 2 years old. However, she was not formally diagnosed with Autism until she was 5. Now, I could tell you that I was ready to conquer the Autism world from the beginning. I could tell you that I was ready to be the Autism Warrior Mom that Debbie needed. But, I was not. Even though I knew Debbie was not developing typically and she was missing those oh-so-important milestones, I was not ready to slap a label on my daughter. I was not ready to use what I deemed as “the A-word.”
My husband and I walked into our first meeting and we heard these three words: isn’t, can’t, won’t. Debbie isn’t talking. Debbie can’t use the toilet properly. Debbie won’t play with other children. I was sad. I was angry. I was devastated. My husband, on the other hand, went right into battle-mode. And, on the day we got the final report from that meeting, he said three life-altering words to me. While I was crying over Debbie’s life gone awry, Vince said, “Debbie is still Debbie.” What? Say that again. “Debbie is STILL Debbie!!” He continued on, “We have always known that something was different with her. I know you don’t like having a label slapped on her. But at the end of the day “autism” is just a word. She is still our daughter. We still love her. We are still going to help her and fight for her. And Julie, you can either choose to play the game or you can watch it from the sidelines!” So I dried my tears, dusted off my battle gear, and joined the game! Vince was right. Crying was not going to change anything. Crying was not going to solve anything. Crying was not going to help Debbie. Debbie needed me to guide her. Debbie needed me to be not just her mom. Debbie needed me to be her Autism Warrior Mom. We hit a traffic jam in life. Now was the time for me to take us on an alternate route and I was not going to let my strong sense of direction fail us now.
Together, Vince and I turned isn’t, can’t, and won’t into is, can, and will. We worked with our local elementary school to help design an inclusion program for Debbie. We walked into meetings and we heard three new words: is, can, and will. Debbie is learning to speak and use her words to meet her wants and needs. Debbie can use the toilet properly. Debbie will engage with her brother in a game of chase. Are these miracles? No. But they are little milestones and along the way I have learned that those little milestones can turn into big ones.
There will be bumps in the road. There will be potholes in the highway. There will be roadblocks. However, our job as parents is to find ways to go around those bumps, potholes, and roadblocks. We need to stop and savor the little things because one day they will become big things. We need to jump in and be a part of the game. And then one day we will stop, and we will look around, and we will see that isn’t, can’t, and won’t turned into is, can, and will.
**Julie Brusio is a wife, a teacher, and most important, a mom. Julie has been married to her husband Vince for over 16 years. Together they have two children. Joey is 13 years old and he does not have autism. Debbie is 11 years old and she has autism. You can find Julie as ‘Ketchup with a Side of Autism’ on her blog and Facebook page. Life has ups, downs, and many winding roads. But it is ALWAYS an adventure and Julie has come to realize that, “You can’t have a rainbow without a little rain,” and to “Enjoy the little things in life. Because one day you will look back and realize they were the big things.”
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With a network of affiliates across the United States, the Autism Society is the nation’s leading grassroots autism organization. Their mission is to increase public awareness about the day-to-day issues faced by people on the spectrum, advocate for appropriate services for individuals across the lifespan, and provide the latest information regarding treatment, education, research and advocacy. Contact and join a local affiliate and get involved! To find the affiliate nearest to you, click on your state below.