By Lydia Wayman
Photos By Aly Blue Photography
Fans of The Mary Tyler Moore Show, the classic 1970s comedy, can’t forget Lou Grant. He was the crotchety news director at WJM-TV known for saying, “You’ve got spunk. I hate spunk!”
But did you know that Lou would go on to have a son on the autism spectrum?
If you weren’t around back then, you really missed out on some great TV. Then again, you’re lucky enough to live in the era of Disney Pixar. If you’ve seen Up, you’ll remember the grumpy old balloon salesman, Carl — he, too, has a family member with autism.
So does Papa Elf from Elf, Captain Davies in Roots, even Sergeant Mike Cosgrove from the 1990s cartoon Freakazoid! — autism families are all around us.
Even in Hollywood.
Ed Asner is recognized as a true Hollywood star. After playing Lou Grant on The Mary Tyler Moore Show, he starred in a spinoff drama called Lou Grant. In addition to the other roles named above, you might recognize him as an actor or voice actor in over 150 films and TV shows.
His son, Matt Asner is a director and producer of films including 100 Voices: A Journey Home and Histories Mysteries. But Matt is not only accomplished in the entertainment industry — he is also the Vice President of Development for the Autism Society of America. However, Matt states his most important position is Dad and Husband.
When Conner and Sharon Cummings met members of the Asner Family at the Autism Society National Conference in Milwaukee, they learned about the Asners’ connection to the autism community. Over twenty years ago, Ed’s son (and Matt’s brother) Charlie was diagnosed at age nine, and now Matt is raising three boys on the autism spectrum. We thought that their mixture of family dynamics was interesting and a story to be told.
Last year, when Zoom announced that we would be interviewing the Asners, we invited our readers on the autism spectrum to submit questions. We appreciate the family’s willingness to share their thoughts and experiences and we are excited to invite you to upcoming events the Asners are hosting. Follow the links for more information!
Ed Asner and the Entire Matt Asner Family
QUESTIONS FOR MATT ASNER
“Did growing up with a brother who is autistic give you a different perspective? Are you doing anything different supporting your own children?”
Chloe Rothschild
Autistic self-advocate, writer and presenter who loves Disney and helping to educate others about autism
MATT ASNER: I think, if anything, it made the transition from hearing that my son was autistic to wanting to gain knowledge a much quicker process. I wanted to know as much as I could as quickly as I could.
I was older and out of the house when Charlie (my brother) was born, so I had my own professional life at the time. This was more than 20 years ago. You know, I remember the day my dad called me and told me that Charlie had autism. We always thought there was something going on with Charlie. Of course, back then, the first thing you thought about were the one or two people you knew of who were autistic. I had just seen Rain Man – that was my only connection. So, I had these preconceived notions of what it would be like. Of course it was nothing like that. I would say that having a brother on the spectrum opened my eyes to what autism is, but I would not say that it prepared me, because I was out of the house and had little to do with Charlie’s upbringing.
As for whether I am doing anything different, the answer is yes. I watched my dad bring Charlie up, and I think my dad would be the first to tell you he does not have the most patience in the world when it comes children, much less a child who might need a little more attention and understanding. Then my son was diagnosed — I realized that I need to be at 100 percent for these guys and make sure they have all the support they need. I need to be the best I can. You can’t be everything, but you can certainly try. I think the most important thing I learned from watching my father is that I need to have patience, I need to understand, and I need to separate my ego from my emotions and let go.
“What is it like blending your family by marriage and adding other autistic kids to the household unity? Did they like each other? How are they different and how do you respect the uniqueness in each?”
Conner Cummings
Autistic self-advocate, photographer, Ambassador of HOPE, Disney lover, changer of laws!
MATT ASNER: That’s a very good question. I think there are always issues blending families, and we had some issues, too. But we approach everything from a foundation of love. Both Navah and I had been around so many families of people with autism — it’s completely typical for us that autism is present in anything we do socially. This is true now and it was true before we married. So, in essence, that was the easiest part for us.
We do a constant dance to make sure that everyone is safe and feels like they’re contributing and getting enough support. So, we really have to be careful to avoid favoring anyone and to keep moving in a cohesive direction together rather than separately. But at the same time, you’re letting each individual move to their own beat.
I think they all like each other, although they’re all extremely different. From youngest to oldest…
Eddy is 9, and he’s the jolly, smart sponge. When I say sponge, I mean that he absorbs everything he looks at or reads or listens to. Eddy’s a bag of fun, but he has some pretty major anxiety issues that we’re trying to navigate. He is an incredible, intelligent, adventurous young person — I enjoy being with him a lot.
Wolf is 14. He is incredibly intelligent and a little bit introspective. He’s got an incredible gift for music, and we want to make sure he realizes it. Wolf has a little bit of a problem with detaching and not being present. Socially, that’s what we would have to work on with Wolf so that he can conquer the world like we know he’s going to.
Will is almost 15. He is a sweet, joyful young man who wants to know everyone. He is a friend to all. He has some significant learning disabilities along with his autism. I would say that we are turning a corner with Will — we’re focusing more on vocation and looking for ways for him to make it on his own in life.
Proud Father Matt with his Boys−Wolf, Will and Eddy
“Is it hard not to compare your own children to all the other autistic people you meet?”
Conner Cummings
Autistic self-advocate, photographer, Ambassador of HOPE, Disney lover, changer of laws!
MATT ASNER: I think that’s the case for everyone. Our experience is all we have. That’s why you see so much division in the autism world. We each see our own issues and tend to hyper-focus on those — we tend to ignore the issues that don’t affect our family.
I think it’s important for families to understand that they are not alone in this, to embrace others, and most importantly, to come together as one giant group. If we truly came together as one and became a dedicated group preserving rights and ensuring dignity in life, we could change the world.
“How can actors, directors, producers, and everyone involved in the entertainment industry make it more autism friendly, and how can they help autistic actors navigate the industry? At the same time, how do we encourage movies and TV shows to cast actually autistic or disabled actors for roles where a character is autistic or disabled?”
Elizabeth Roy
Multiply neurodivergent activist and organizer, Executive Director of the Autism Society of Northern Virginia
MATT ASNER: I might not be very popular on this one, but I feel that what is asked for in this question isn’t enough. Our autistic brothers and sisters are creative enough to stand on their own in this rough world. A creative director or producer is just that — a director or producer — and that’s how creative autistics should be seen.
The same goes with actors. Shows are being criticized for not hiring autistic actors to play autistic parts. I don’t buy this. The question she should be asking is “why aren’t more Autistic actors being hired to play all parts?” The beauty of film and performance is that we can be whomever we choose to be. We can leave ourselves and take part in someone else’s drama. I want autistic people to believe that they can do whatever they want in entertainment. It’s the great wide open. A clean slate. Of course, the talent has to be there, but if the actor is talented — autism or no autism — the possibilities are endless.
“What is your favorite thing about the Autfest film festival and what do you hope to see more of in future festivals?”
Becca Lory
Diagnosed on the autism spectrum as an adult and has since become an active advocate and life coach for individuals on the autism spectrum
MATT ASNER: I really believe in Autfest (an international film festival presented by the Autism Society and AMC Theaters to “promote autism awareness and support autistic filmmakers“). Over two days, it allows festival-goers to see different worlds of autism at one central location. I think it offers a great way for people to sit down and truly have an understanding that we’re not alone in this picture — we’re together with other people, and yet each person is an individual, and their autism is different. We want people to leave the theatre understanding a little bit more. Hopefully, after seeing these different windows into other experiences, we all come out with a better understanding and a realization that we are all righteous in our own experiences and we all deserve to feel that way.
“Please share your thoughts on the benefits of neurodiversity.”
Barb Rentenbach
Barb is a non-verbal autistic woman and author. She has a wicked sense of humor and says that her intention in life is to make the benefits of neurodiversity as common as juice stains in minivans.
MATT ASNER: Well, I think what I said above is applicable to this question. What it comes down to is that we all have to be willing to bend, to learn. Creating environments and workplaces where people are comfortable and secure will only benefit our society. I think Temple Grandin talks about this — the wheel would never have been invented if not for neurodiversity. And it’s true. We need people who think differently and act differently in this society. Because of them, we’re able to fly in airplanes — we’re able to do great things that we never imagined we could do. Neurodiversity is essential to the survival of mankind.
“There is a great deal of controversy in the autism community on issues ranging from potential causes and appropriate treatments to how autism should be seen. Do you see opportunities to unify or reduce tension between different camps?”
Dr. Lars Perner
Assistant Professor of Clinical Marketing at the University of Southern California who was diagnosed with Aspergers later in life. He now also lectures on Autism and educational issues.
MATT ASNER: I think research is important because it can lead to a better understanding of how autistic people can live better lives, not just in medical terms but also workplace strategies.
We have to develop a deeper understanding and empathy for the other person with autism, the other family with an autistic child or adult, the self-advocate, and we have to respect their own experiences. Once we truly start seeing each other, we can reduce tensions. I think we need to understand each other and give each other space. We need to allow others to feel and think differently.
“As an advocate, how do you cope with harsh or even nasty comments from people who don’t share your perspective? What do you do to help you cope and make you feel better?”
Lydia Wayman
Autistic writer, speaker, and advocate from Pittsburgh. Her blog is called Autistic Speaks.
MATT ASNER: I have had a lot of people come after me. I would love to be able to tell you that I am so evolved that I just look the other way and let it brush off my back. It hurts when people go after you. It hurts when they are nasty and get personal. Being an actor, musician, and producer for 25 years before I did advocacy work helped me with that immensely. Knowing why I am here and why I have dedicated myself to this cause gives me an extra layer of thick skin.
I am a big believer in just letting [negative] things go. I don’t pay as much attention to it as I did in the past. Maybe that’s one thing this community has taught me — to have a little more patience with myself and not to take things too seriously.
And so I move through this world and I try to keep my sanity. It is difficult at times, but I believe in everyone who has chosen this path. That makes it a little easier to communicate with people when they are not on your side.
“If you could choose one thing to wear or own that would make a statement and show the world who you were, what would it be?”
Jennifer O’ Toole
Autistic self-advocate, international speaker and author of the Asperkids series of books who also is known for donning a pink boa and tiara from time to time because they make her happy!
MATT ASNER: Well, Jennifer has taken the pink boa and tiara and Conner has taken Mickey Ears. I have always been partial to leather jackets. I guess you could say it’s the rebel in me.
QUESTIONS FOR ED ASNER
“When were you first introduced to autism?”
Conner Cummings
Autistic self-advocate, photographer, Ambassador of HOPE, Disney lover, changer of laws!
ED ASNER: I guess I had known about it before I had my son, Charles. But it wasn’t spoken about like it is today. So, I would have to say when Charles was diagnosed.
“Are there things you wish you knew about autism before Charlie’s diagnosis and when he was younger?”
Chloe Rothschild
Autistic self- advocate, writer and presenter who loves Disney and helping educate others about autism
ED ASNER: I believe firmly that I had family members on the spectrum when I was growing up, but we never equated it with autism. People just thought they were odd. What is sad about it is that they could have been helped more than they were and led more productive lives had they or the family or world known about autism.
“What was the most helpful thing you have done for your children (specifically Charlie), and what is something you wish you had done differently?”
Dr. Stephen Shore
Autistic professor of special education at Adelphi University, international speaker and author of several books.
ED ASNER: I don’t know if I was helpful. I think I let him be who he wanted to be. Honestly, I wish I’d had more patience. I was never the calm one. Never. I bet that’s hard for you all to believe.
“How is being a grandparent to kids on the autism spectrum different from being a parent? (Positives and negatives!)”
Lydia Wayman
Autistic writer, speaker, and advocate from Pittsburgh. Her blog is called Autistic Speaks.
ED ASNER: Well, it’s all positive, isn’t it? I would answer the same way for all of my grandchildren, though. I like being a grandparent because you can always say, “Alright, I’ve had enough.” When you are a parent, there is no “get-out-of-jail” card. You are in it and that’s that.
“As a celebrity having both a son and grandsons on the spectrum, have you felt pressure to be a role model for other families?”
Dr. Lars Perner
Assistant Professor of Clinical Marketing at the University of Southern California who was diagnosed with Aspergers later in life. He now also lectures on Autism and educational issues.
ED ASNER: I have felt a responsibility to speak out. To let people know that it’s ok to feel however they want to. To be a guide. I have not done much other than being present and telling my story.
My daughter-in-law, Navah, has been working on a project with me, the Ed Asner Family Center. I am excited for this year, when we will see its arrival.
“Of all the diverse characters/roles you have played throughout your long successful career, which one (if any) do you think had the most autistic qualities?”
Jacob Fuentes
17-year-old autistic high school student, self-advocate and film enthusiast
ED ASNER: That’s a good question. I played a character in a film called Hey, I’m Alive. That character was a loner and a survivor, which I have seen in autistic friends. Axel in Rich Man, Poor Man was certainly uncomfortable in his own skin. In the animated world, I think the character I play in Freakazoid might be on the spectrum.
“With your presence in Up, has Disney ever entered into your son’s or grandsons’ special interests?”
Maura O’Toole
15- year old autistic self-advocate, high school student and the daughter of author Jennifer O’Toole
ED ASNER: Not really. He was never into Disney or Pixar. He was excited to be a part of the insanity leading up to the premiere, but he never embraced it like other kids. Nine-year-old Eddy is very much into Disney and Pixar. I am very appreciative of the way my voice acting has reached kids and adults on the spectrum. We honored Pixar at Autfest last year, and they certainly deserved the accolades.
“Privacy and respect are so important when discussing our families. Being a public figure gives you the chance to help people. It also must be hard to figure out how much to keep private. How do you decide what to share and what not to?”
Jennifer O’Toole
Autistic self-advocate, international speaker and author of the Asperkids series of books who also is known for donning a pink boa and tiara from time to time because they make her happy!
ED ASNER: Well, my edit button has never worked, so I pretty much tell it all. I have pissed many people off because of that.
“Please share your thoughts on the benefits of neurodiversity.”
Barb Rentenbach
Barb is a non-verbal autistic woman and author. She has a wicked sense of humor and says that her intention in life is to make the benefits of neurodiversity as common as juice stains in minivans.
ED ASNER: We have to have open minds in general and listen and let people contribute to society. Our world desperately needs neurodiversity. Without it, we may be in big trouble.
Have you seen a change in the way the entertainment industry is handling disability over the course of your career? If so, how?
Becca Lory
Diagnosed on the autism spectrum as an adult and has since become an active advocate and life coach for individuals on the autism spectrum
ED ASNER: Very much so. Whereas autism might have been a topic that shows touched on eight years ago, we are slowly seeing main characters with autism appear in film and television. This is great.
Ed and Matt Asner, Hollywood’s Outspoken Advocates for the Autism Community
The Ed Asner Family Center’s mission is to promote self-confidence in differently-abled individuals and bring balance and wellness to those individuals and their families. The center will act as an oasis of balance and thought, of interaction and education. Most importantly, The Center will give children and adults of all levels of ability a chance at dignity, confidence, and self-respect.
Lydia Wayman is an autistic advocate with a B.S. in education and an M.A. in English and nonfiction writing. Her presentations, writing, and art use her experience to educate others about ASD. Lydia enjoys mentoring younger autistic friends and supporting families by helping them understand how their kids see the world.
Read more articles in Zoom Autism Magazine, Issue 13:
- Walking with Owen by Walter Suskind
- I Will Never Go to Harvard…And That’s Okay! By Jacob Fuentes
- Parenting, Spectrum Style by Maura Campbell
- “I Have Stopped Using the Word ‘Family’ and Have Never Looked Back!” by Becca Lory
- Cummings and Goings: The Manyness of Family by Conner Cummings
- How I Found My Happy Ending by Megan Amodeo
- The Impact of Camouflaging, Anxiety and Trust by Robert Watkins
- What Does the Word Family Mean to You?
Bravo to the Matt Asner, and to Ed Asner!
– and to you too, dear Jodi Murphy!
This interview in so many ways imparts great wisdom. The Asners know how to gain the attention of outside communities better than any other family unit I know, and I know many affected by autism.
We must be creative to shine a light on people whose worlds are different to others not directly affected. The Geek Club Books do this, and so do the Asners.
That’s not easy in a world with so much noise in so many directions. In order to attract people, organizations, etc. to be open to learning the value of acceptance and acquire a desire to become more curious, thoughtful and supportive for people on the spectrum.
There are so many pieces of gold in this neuro-diverse community who beat to non-traditional drummers. They don’t always have the voice or conditions to educate others about their world in a world who sometimes doesn’t care, is more apt to walk on the other side of the street to avoid eye-contact (ironically a trait some on the spectrum are known to be challenged by) yet, eye-contact is truly something many neurotypical people chose not to have, so who really is challenged by it? – HMMMM!!!!
What I love about the Asner’s is they know this first hand how to reach the neurotypical world in a variety of groundbreaking ways.
Matt Asner has a big job. He is the VP of Development of the Autism Society of America. And, by society standards is an impressive position. Yet, he takes many steps beyond that.
I know Matt, not closely, yet well enough and I’ve spoken to him enough to feel ordained to say this. And when my son on the spectrum was granted an interview by Matt last year at #AutFest, the answer that sticks in my mind most is the word “UNITY”. That’s what the mission of an Autism Film Festival (#AutFest) and The Ed Asner Family Center accomplish – UNITY.
Mo Bailey, MCC
Aspergers + Advocacy Consultant
AKA “The Asperger’s Whisperer”
Thanks Mo!
If by chance either Charlie’s father or brother can read this, I went to high school with Charlie in Chicago and hope he’s doing well. There’s an active alumni community from the school we went to, and if he wants to get in touch we’re on facebook (keyword being the school’s name, or the nickname). There was an alumni gathering recently, and there will probably be another one next year, if he’s interested.