Most of the time my fear makes me feel frozen in place in life and literally in a physical sense. Sometimes it’s triggered by driving to a new place. Sometimes it’s triggered by just driving to a familiar place in an unfamiliar way. But no matter what the trigger is, the uncomfortable tension is the same. It causes actual physical pain for me. But growth does too, and lately, I’ve been growing quite a bit.
I finally moved out on my own again.
Well, with a roommate but it’s still a step in the right direction! As I gaze around me at all the furniture and bits and pieces that still need to be put together, I am remembering a time when the idea of living on my own seemed impossible. I am reflecting on gratitude because I am reminded of moments when I didn’t have a home at all. The times I’ve lived in a motel have not been on my social media “highlight reels.” The truth is that getting back up after hitting those rock bottoms were some of my bravest moments.
Now, I’ve lived independently before.
This isn’t entirely new in that sense. But it’s the first time I feel I live on my own and feel free to simply be myself. THAT is brand new. I feel a calling to make it a sanctuary; I feel called to protect my new home as a place where the stressors that make me feel like I’m an ice sculpture or Disney Princess from Frozen.
I’m also back to work part time and it feels amazing.
One step at a time. Because of my Autism and Dysautonomia, working full time may not ever be an option again, but I am so excited to be serving others in the work place. That’s my dream: to help others for a living no matter how menial the task might seem.
This all feels so brave to me.
I’m brave enough to ignite that fire to warm my soul again. To live again. To defy my fears. Sometimes that means just doing my best somedays. Sometimes that doesn’t look extraordinary to others. But I’m learning more and more, that the perception of others has zero bearing on my self-worth or my bravery.
What are the little things you do each day that feel brave? What is one task you’ve wanted to do all year and haven’t yet? Can you set a goal to try it once before the end of the month?
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