Showing My Body the Grace It Deserves

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By Gretchen McIntire

For years I have struggled with my weight being mixed with my self-confidence. I’ve had quite a few health issues that also contributed to my weight and water retention as well.

I’ve gained weight. I’ve lost it. It finds me every time I swear. I’ve been a size two and I’ve been a size fourteen. Right now I’m somewhere in between and nowhere near a size two.

My goal for 2020 is to change my relationship with food and, instead of beating myself to death doing HIIT routines, to do my best to create a routine that I actually enjoy. You all will be on this journey with me and I hope it’ll help me stay accountable with drinking more water and choosing to eat more foods that actually help my body heal.

But one of the bigger goals is to disconnect the number on my scale from my self-worth. I have always thought I would be happier when I lost weight. But that happiness never came from weight loss. In fact, I’ve been my happiest when I don’t think about it constantly. I want to find a new level of inner peace and I think that’s more likely to come from meditation and actually getting to bed on time than berating myself because of a number.

You see, I had quite a few operations years ago and I don’t think my body has ever truly healed. Out went my appendix, gallbladder, ovarian cysts, among other issues that kept me in the up all night, in the OR, or in the Emergency Room until the early hours of the morning a lot.

I’ve always just tried to get right back up and keep going. But I think it’s time to show my body the grace it deserves and let it heal. I want to find foods that are healing for the gut and skin. I want to find ways to actually make this fun somehow.

Here are my first 3 steps I’ll be taking towards my wellness goals:

Drink 80oz of water a day
Hit 7,000 steps a day on my Fitbit
Be in bed by midnight

What’s one thing you can change in your night time routine to help you find more peace? How do you find ways to exercise that you enjoy? How do you stay accountable with your goals?

Gretchen McIntire (Leary) is an autistic woman who is challenging herself to “be brave” in her everyday life. From the smallest brave moments to conquering her biggest fears, Gretchen is sharing her journey each month hoping it inspires even one more person to choose to be brave too. Gretchen is the author of the children’s books Really, Really Like Me and The Quiet Bear, a motivational speaker and founder of the Breathe Boston Autism Project. Read more of her essays on Geek Club Books and follow her on Instagram @gretchenmcintire.