Each month, I sit down for a bit to reflect on the rollercoaster that is my life to speak to you as though you are a dear friend. It feels much like women must have felt when they wrote long letters to one another at a fancy desk long ago. For those of you who read my column every month, you have become my friend. Thank-you for that.
This last month has been a bit of a topsy-turvy ride.
Each day I’ve tried to stick to the no dairy, no almond, and no eggs rule for the special diet. For the most part I’ve been successful with the exception of randomly wild moments of abandon to eat ice cream which I generally regret later. However, something strange happened a week or so ago. I found myself in the emergency room surrounded by absolutely amazing nurses who finally discovered a missing piece of my medical puzzle (After I had already seen dozens of doctors). I won’t get into the experience itself because it was kind of gross.
But I will say that I learned a lot by the time that I left that hospital bed. I remember gathering my belongings and slowly turning and looking around the room. I glanced at the blankets tossed around and wrappers for medication and other random bits of protocol I don’t even remember happening as the nurses helped me heal. I say that word but also know that I still need genetic testing because it’s a chronic illness. The incessant beeping machines around me didn’t even phase me anymore.
They had given me answers and I suddenly felt so grounded and held.
Have you ever felt so empowered by the compassion from others for your own personal failure that you immediately got back up to try again? That’s how it felt for me that night. I felt so empowered to get back up and keep trying. The charge nurse sat with me and explained what was wrong and how they would help and gave me a newfound hope. Why was that such a big deal? Because she had the same medical problem and I had been praying for this answer since 2007!
I felt like someone had handed me a rainbow to carry home.
The next day, I went to Wilmington to see the ocean. It’s quite a journey from Raleigh. I have always been a huge fan of the film A Walk to Remember and the show, One Tree Hill, and both were filmed there. I didn’t get to see any of the filming locations but that wasn’t what my soul was aching for. The moment my toes slide into the sand towards the gorgeous blue water, I felt tremendous peace. I felt home.
The very next day I went to a new church for the first time. They had the lights dimmed and focused on the stage which was a new experience for me. The praise team was so joyful that I placed my bag down and promptly started to cry and put my hand over my heart and just closed my eyes. I knew no one could see me and so it felt safe to do so. I felt a tremendous wave of hope and joy wash over me again.
It seemed no matter where I went that week, I went home with rainbows in my pockets.
Where do go when you need to feel peace? How can you replicate that experience if you can’t go there? Is it the scent of the place that brings you joy and hope? Can you touch it? Hear it? My dear friend, go sit among the fireflies, fireworks, and rainbows tonight. I dare you to fill your pockets with so many rainbows your joy spills out all around you and changes the world. Your day is yours. Own it. What kind of joy are you making today?