I’ve been spending more and more time focused on being present. I know I make far wiser decisions when I’m living in the here and now and not living in the sadness of my past or trying to squeeze into tomorrow’s mold before I’m ready for it.
My recent abnormal mammogram (I am 34 years old) was a reminder, once again, to live in the present. Now, it wasn’t my first rodeo with abnormal mammograms. I’ve had three abnormal mammograms thus far, each one finding cysts as well as a benign type of tumor called a fibroadenoma which I now own four of.
“While my anxiety has dwindled each time now that they say I need a mammogram, I always reflect on the fear the very first time and the relief I felt when the biopsy came back benign.”
This year has been hard for all of us all around the world. Each day presents us with unique challenges from the masks we are all wearing to the social distancing guidelines. I’m starting to see each day as its own stepping stone but also its own journey. With each day being its own journey, there’s no other day to compare it to. It’s its own separate entity and that’s good! It’s a clean slate when we need it and it’s an accountability check for the days we need a pass because we did so well the day before. No more excuses for me.
To be honest, I often take for granted that I will wake up tomorrow and lately I’ve been reminded that isn’t actually promised to us at any age. That isn’t to say I live in fear of when “lightning” will strike. But it is a reminder to go to bed knowing I was the best version of myself that I could possibly be that day. Being in college now and juggling part time work with my disabilities isn’t easy. But these disabilities make me prouder than ever when I am able to succeed. That’s new for me.
“For some reason I tend to downplay my successes and dwell on failure as if that will somehow make me more successful and humbler.”
I’ve downplayed my TEDx talk, my children’s books, and ability to go to school and work. But I’ve learned it doesn’t work that way. I now see each victory as something to be proud of and the prouder of myself I feel, the more I feel able to press forward.
Do you tend to downplay your daily victories? What is something you can be proud of that you did today? Are you showing up for yourself today? If not, what would help you do so tomorrow? We’ve got this!
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